Where to begin ...

LIfe is an interesting thing and when you start talking about your life and how it used to be its amazing at how different eveyones lives are but yet so much the same as well. Heres a bit about my life:I wasnt brought up in a home in town and everything that went with living in town. I was brought in a commune which was cleverly named a Drug and rehab centre up a valley called Waiotahi just outside of Opotiki.My grandmother created it and with help from the fantastic valley people and most of my family and family friends. Kahunui Village was created (Drug and rehab centre name).Growing up I thought it was such a cool place to be althou as I got older not being able to try things like alcohol and going to partied became a problem will go into that later.I lived in the centre with my brothers my mum and my birth father. He left when I was 2 and my mum remarried when I was about 6-7 I think.The commune was an amazing place for meeting people and making friends some I still have today but it also showed us as kids things we should have never ever seen and I feel for kids that are subjected to things like that everyday. We ate,breathed and lived with people who had major problems but who were humans that needed love support and friendship.Its hard to understand now when I look back and relive my life and think WOW that was the best life we could have had cause it wasnt. We pretty much lived with our parents dealing with people other than us all the time having to rely on people we didnt really know and be a inventive as we could to make ourselves happy. I am not saying it was all bad cause it wasnt the good times rocked but some of the bad times were so dark they killed a part of me and I suppose thats where this is going too. I dont want to hide anymore life is too short and unless people know they dont know they real me I hope that makes sense. I am not ashamed of myself anymore.I was abused sexually for 10 years started when I was 6 and went on till I was about 16.My step-father is the man who robbed me of my childhood and took me to a place I call dark and sad.While is was happening no one knew and it was a secret I never ever thought I would let out.I often wonder what I or who I would be if it hadnt happened but then I also know I wouldnt be me today if it didnt.I think the worst thing was when I had to relive it all again when I went to the police to get him charged.It was like someone had ripped my open and it was all happening again. I am blessed with a husband who understands everything and that knows most things. I have friends and family who know and who have been my rock when I have needed them.I appreciate them more than they would ever know.I have also had people turn me away and not understand and now I can say to them thats ok I understand and dont blame you at all.I recently had someone come into my life who has helped me in so many ways to deal with things I never thought I ever would even look at and to that person I say THANK YOU very much.So if there are times when I react in a way you wouldnt expect from me please forgive me it just might be a time when things are ticking along as they should be.Dont treat me any different as I am me am only saying this so people know the real me no more hiding for this ducky!!I look at other peoples and think wow I am so lucky and then shit why couldnt I have had that. But I suppose everyone has a story to tell sometime and this was mine a very short version of a very long sad tale.Thank you for reading this and for being my friend